Train wreck

I had a real interesting experience last week.

It started off with a headache, sore throat, exhaustion and general malaise (love that fancy word, don’t ya?) the week after I got back from ice climbing. I was sure I had caught a deadly disease on the flight from Montrose to Denver from the lady sitting behind me who without a doubt died that very day after spreading her viral affairs all over the airplane.

The headache, sore throat and exhaustion continued for days, and then lasted even longer. My performance in the gym sucked, I wanted to sleep all the time, and my general malaise turned into feelings of general A$$. So, I called to get an appointment to the doctor to see what exactly was wrong. Because at this point I think I have mono like a 14-year-old kid. Since they had no appointments for several days they tried to do the right thing and sent me to an “urgent care” clinic.

This is where my interesting experience took place.

I am blissfully ignorant of health care for normal people. I have had Army health care since I was 18 years old. So if something is wrong I just go to a clinic to see some doctor, get referrals, prescriptions, have labs drawn, etc. and never pay a penny. The waiting rooms are not usually super crowded since people have appointments. Sometimes, yes, you have to wait FOREVER to get your free prescription at the pharmacy, but hey, it’s allowed me to not know or care what all this “Obamacare” is all about.

So. Urgent care. I don’t think you could ever pay me $$$ to go back to one of those places. First of all, most people in there think they are on their death bed. I think it’s because they are ALL SMOKERS. The waiting room smelled totally like cigarettes because they are all taking constant “breaks” from waiting to go outside and smoke. Hmmm. Why are you sick and hacking up a lung? Oh, it’s just that little cancer thing, not to worry.

Another thing I noticed was that at least 50% of the people in there didn’t really want to see a doctor, they just wanted to get a note from a doctor. Like they are in 8th grade. But they aren’t. They are 40-year-old men or 23-year-old girls that need a doctor note for their work? School? I don’t know why adults need sick notes other than the fact that they probably aren’t always the most honest people and therefore need to get notes to prove they are actually sick? This one guy was even trying to get the nurse to change the date for him (which she wouldn’t). Sorry you are a $h*tbag dude, and trying to get a note to get out of whatever trouble you obviously lied about.

Luckily, I found a seat next to the hand sanitizing station that only had one chair next to it. The rest of the waiting room chairs were all together. Once I had my spot (which had visual of the whole room) I didn’t care how bad I had to pee, I wasn’t going to move and risk having to sit next to the other gross people when someone else snagged my prime locale.

This one lady came in and good lord do I regret not videoing this. She would cough and wheeze and MOAN. Like MOAN and MOAN and MOAN. It was so funny to watch the people from around the room looking at her as she MOANED. I don’t know if she was moaning about the 120 lbs. of excess fat she had pressing on her lungs, or being sick?

It was total sensory overload. The people that keep going to the desk wondering “when’s my turn”, the woman moaning in the corner, the insistent press of my bladder. I almost bailed. I felt like the walls were closing in. I could feel the germs going up my nose and running down my throat. I was dreaming about going home and burning my clothes and bathing in bleach. But alas, they finally called my name.

And here’s where it got really worthless. The meth-head (aka nurse) put me in a room until some guy came and felt my throat and prescribed me a Z-pack (sp?) of steroids and something else I threw away after he advised me to follow-up at my regular clinic for lab work. THEY DON’T DO LAB WORK AT THE URGENT CARE. That was the only reason I went. I had just not only wasted an entire morning, but gotten infected with a cold in the process. Mother F’er!!!!!!

Ludens throat lozenges. Not paleo. Not even remotely.

So here I am today, sick with a cold, sucking on Luden’s cough drops. They are not paleo, but I don’t give a crap. I feel like poo and am just clutching at straws to find something to make me feel better. The doctor I saw on Monday said I had pretty swollen lymph nodes and asked if I’d had a fever. I hate that question. How the F should I know? I mean, do people actually sit at home and take their temperature? I am always all “I have no idea…” but did tell him that for almost a week I had to change clothes in the middle of the night and lay down towels because I was waking up in a pond of sweat. Is that a fever? Or, is it just living in the dirty south?

In the winter I refuse to let me house get warmer than 70 degrees. If it does, BOOM, AC time. Since nature refuses to allow my body the pleasure of colder temperatures, and the luxury of wearing things like socks and pants I force it. I can’t wait to grow up and move to Montana. Last night I taped a House Hunters that takes place in Bozeman. I can’t wait to watch it.

Today in the dirty south I present to you – HUMIDITY!

So, to top off the sick adventure I added a new injury to the lineup on Saturday, which is awesome. I mean, I totally know better than to attempt muscle-ups unsupervised, but yet there I was, and there my shoulder went. I am literally a freaking train wreck right now and sooooo over it.

Annnnnd, because when you feel sick AND get injured you can only tolerate the onslaught of posts from people adventuring and setting new PRs for so long, I deleted my Facebook app from my phone this weekend. Now I have to actually get on my computer to use FB, which has drastically cut down my consumption. So sorry if I miss something cool you did! I just couldn’t keep waking up in sweat marshes panicked about squatting any more. You should post about it on Instagram though, and tell me what your name on that is. Does anyone else find it unreasonably difficult to search for people on there?

Kale salad. I hoped the kale would ail my sickies.

Despite my 14+ hours of sleep per day, I’ve been cooking quite a bit though and here are some new things I tried:
– I made these “Comfort Noodles” the other day and love them. Although I used extra, extra garlic and thank goodness didn’t have anyone coming over for the next few days.
– I changed the recipe up a bit for this “Spaghetti Squash all Carbonara” and added a lot of extra protein, and it was surprisingly good!
– This “Blackened Chicken & Avocado Sauce over Zoodles” was really good – especially the sauce which there was a disproportionate amount of (the boy used it on all sorts of other proteins, so it was fine).
– These “Pizza Stuffed Sweet Potatoes” are pretty darned good, but my oven takes FOREVER to cook sweet potatoes. Annoying.

My favorite little homeless kitty, Stripers (cuz he’s striped, not cuz he’s a striPPer) left me this little present the other day. I thought it was so sweet.

Present from Stripers. He finished off the upper half last night since I took a pass on it.