Costa Rica!

February 3, 2014

Today is one of the saddest days of the year for me.


Because it is the LONGEST time span between now and when the NFL starts playing again. Sure, there are little spurts of excitement around the combines, and then the draft, maybe a little pre-season but none of it is the same as sitting on the couch and watching games on a Sunday afternoon. And obsessively playing Fantasy Football, naturally.

Oh, I know there are lots of people out there who have a gazillion better things to do with their time than watch an NFL game, which they like to remind you of on FB on Superbowl night. But, I am sure they have their own (obviously VERY dorky) sport they follow so just suck it. I know, I know you are totally on a different cultural level than me, but I’m OK with that. Because people like me are crass and tell people like you to suck it. See, there I did it again.

Anyways! As much as I love to sit around on Sunday afternoon (I used to have Thursday and Monday too but alas, no more cable TV!) and do nothing but watch the NFL during the fall and winter months, one thing I hate doing is sitting around on vacation. It drives me absolutely nuts. My most boring trip ever was when we went to Molokai for a weekend. Molokai is a very sparsely populated island because it used to (well, actually still does) have a leper colony. There was seriously nothing to do there where we were but sit in hammocks, walk on the beach and literally nothing else. I was with awesome people, but holy SHIT I thought I would die of boredom. Of course, I was mildly concerned we might run into that a bit in Costa Rica but we didn’t. It was a super fun trip.

Here are some of the highlights of my trip!
– It is only a 3.5 hour flight from Atlanta to Costa Rica. Since I hate being squished in planes by annoying people that wear too much perfume and don’t know how to use their INSIDE voice, this is a HUGE positive.

– The surf camp sends a driver to pick you up at the airport (no charge if you fly in & out on a Saturday!). He has a sign with your name on it. I immediately felt like an important person, since I have never had someone with a sign for me! The other huge bonus is you don’t have to drive because that would be a whole ‘nother type of adventure, let me tell you. Not only do you navigate around cows and horses on the road, but bikes, motorbikes, pedestrians, cars, busses, all traveling at either 95 mph or 12 mph.

– The weather is very nice in Costa Rica so you don’t need to pack very much. We both packed everything we needed in backpack carry-ons. And even then it was more than we needed. Mostly you just need lots and lots of swim suits since that is basically all you will wear.

– I totally surfed waves EVERY SINGLE DAY. The number one question I’ve been asked was “did you actually stand up surfing?” and I’m not sure if I should be super insulted that so many people are surprised when I tell them, shit yeah I did, every single day! And on a variety of different boards and in very different conditions.

That’s me. And yes, I am surfing.

– I was lucky enough to get evidence of my surfing since obviously people think I was totally incapable of doing so. The surf camp sent a photographer out one day when we went to Playa Grande and he was paying very, very close attention to the times I stood up.

– Tamarindo, the town we stayed in, is pretty small so you can walk everywhere. Although walk OFF the road or risk certain death. Also be ready for lots of offers for “premium blow, weed…you want???” or maybe that’s just what I was constantly getting because I look like a degenerate anyways, although the locals did find my tattoos fascinating. It was definitely a tourist-y town which was nice because they took American dollars and almost all spoke some degree of English. Yeah, I am totally that asshole American that visits a foreign country speaking very little of their language.

– There are not waivers for ANYTHING in Costa Rica, which is kind of fun. You do everything at your own risk. Walk in this river with crocodiles? OK! Zipline upside down while your guides try to bounce the line enough to dip your head in the river? No problemo!

– Need I even point out that drinking Costa Rican coffee in country is totally awesome? Also, since they aren’t importing food you eat seasonally, which means everything is fresh and local. The best way to describe it is that you are eating in color, versus eating in black & white back at home.

– Sunsets, sunsets and more sunsets.

We didn’t miss a single sunset on the beach.

The less exciting parts of the trip that are nevertheless memorable!
– Having a cup of salt water pour out of my nose at the dinner table after a day of eating epic shit.

– Having to (literally) bring extra shorts with me because of my stomach rejecting EVERYTHING for 1.5 days. That was not especially pleasant. I think this one mean waitress poisoned me. Waitresses in Costa Rica seem especially put out when they have to do anything that involves their job. They are only happy when they are ignoring all of their tables and chatting with each other. So order LOTS of drinks as soon as you sit down, trust me.

– The constant application and re-application of sunblock. It was exhausting! I swear I spent 30% of my day putting on sunblock! But, no burns for me.

– The idiots in the water who don’t realize they are splashing around in front of BEGINNER surfers who have no idea how to manage their 9-foot board, which is attached to them with a very, very long leash. It was women with small children and super old dudes that would walk right on in and pop up in front of you as you caught a wave. Guess that’s where the no waiver for any reason part comes in handy.

Since we couldn’t spend every minute of every day surfing, we did some other extracurricular activities including:
– Canopy tour (zip lining)
– Estuary kayak tour (aka we need to go find us some crocodiles and monkeys!)
– Deep sea fishing (total bust! but we are going to try again.)
– Horseback ride to the top of the hills in Tamarindo to the beach (bring LONGER shorts for this, ladies!)

My dumb baby tuna.

The boy’s unit hosts “marriage retreats” CONSTANTLY. I have never had to go on one because I have always had other trips planned (he has had to go on a marriage retreat by himself!). Anyways, my point is that I assume they never do this.

Although maybe at marriage retreats you talk about that one time your husband tried to push you off your surf board. This is proof of that!

Monkeys! And some baby monkeys too!!!

We had SO much fun that as soon as we left we started planning when we would go back. Which we totally are. It helps that it is not very expensive to have a GREAT time in Costa Rica.

If you are interested, let me know! Also, check out Witch’s Rock Surf Camp – we had our own instructor, Josimar, the entire week. He was a great instructor. Even after a few days he knew me good enough to know that I desperately NEEDED a pep talk after I had a HORRIBLE day on Wednesday when a huge swell came in and we all ate shit for 2 hours straight. The next day he then gave me FIRST RIDES EVER on a brand new Robert August surfboard. I wasn’t nervous about that AT ALL. The pressure to not crash! But, it was an epic board. All the instructors are funny. I don’t understand much Spanish but I do know they were making fun of SOMEONE for acting like a chicken when they stood up. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t me though, I’m putting money on it being the velociraptor.

One guy told me to go look for “Costa Rica butterflies” in this well. I am not dumb though, I knew it would be bats. And I was right!

And if you are my FB friend, you can see all of my Costa Rica pics (well, not ALL of them, obviously) here.

How can you not want some of this?

And they were sooooooo good!!!! I actually felt a little bad for the boy when we’d eat these since I would insist on eating half. Most of the other girls there would never eat HALF a plate of these, much less a quarter, which means their partner got lots more. But, I am not most girls.



  1. I sent this to my guy I said read this and let’s plan a trip! I def want to go. Seriously. Keep me in the loop for the third trip back since I don’t think I can get time off for the rest of this year.

    • January was a great time to go…maybe start thinking about that for 2015?!?!

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