November 14, 2013

It’s really funny to see what people search to find my blog. Right now, one of the top searches to lead people to THIS very blog about my super boring life is “sausage hanging out of shorts.”


I know that while I may occasionally (OK today I did in class) joke about dudes deadlifting in ranger panties I can’t believe in a million years I would have written a topic, or even a string of words even close to something that would lead Google to direct people to my dumb blog where sausages are flopping around. So maybe that’s why it seems even funnier. Of course, now that I’ve actually written that ON my blog even more people will come looking for sausage hanging out of shorts up in here.

Speaking of shorts and junk hanging out, I am in the process of testing out different shorts and capri-length workout pants and it’s not going well. I got a new pair of shorts that are similar in style to my rowing trou that I tested at CrossFit on Monday. These shorts were SO awful – they were falling down, like totally falling down and taking my underwear hostage as I did pull-ups. Pull-ups!!!! Absolutely heinous. I have more brands I am testing and will totally give you the complete low-down when testing is complete in a few weeks. Let’s hope I’m not caught with any junk hanging out. It’s a risky business people, very, very risky.

Making Rice Krispie treats was the highlight of my week.

Making Rice Krispie treats was the highlight of my week.

Anyways. I got onto Pinterest this morning.

Relax, it was for WORK. No tattoo perusing today, I promise.

So I’m not sure what the deal is but my Pinterest insists on following some guy named Chris Case. I have tried to unfollow him a bajillion times and yet his stupid shit comes up in my feed all the time. Usually it’s pins for men’s fashion (OMFG) onto a board called “Pour l’homme” since he’s soooooooo sophisticated that he pins to a fashion board with a FRENCH name. If I see another picture of J.Crew waxed longwing bluchers I may vomit. Does anyone else have this Chris Case Pinterest problem too? Is it like that dude that owned MySpace and was everyone’s friend? Is Chris the Tom of Pinterest?

This is how "into" fashion I am. I wore this out in public.

This is how “into” fashion I am. I wore this out in public.

While on the topic of social media can we please stop with the “interesting facts about me” shit on FB based on some random number? Gahhhwwwddd. When I was growing up there was something just like this called chain letters. They were dumb too.

Am I being mean? I know, it is the month to give 30 DAYS OF THANKFULNESS on FB too. “Dear Diary. Day 14: I am thankful for all the sausage hunters on my blog.”

Maybe it’s because I am on social media allllll day that I sometimes hate it as much as I do. I’m a bitter old lady, I know.

I’m also a bit cranky because it’s looking pretty definite that we are moving AGAIN this summer. And while I knew it was a high possibility, I was crossing my fingers for some miracle that would keep us here a little while longer. Plus it’s to a NEW place we’ve never been which means I will totally have to make new friends, AGAIN. Sometimes it’s easy for me to make friends and sometimes it is really, really hard. But mostly it’s exhausting. Because I have to weed through the people that talk about boring shit until I can find the ones that are fun and that I actually have something in common with. Smile. Nod. Ask questions. Repeat.

The other thing is I really, really like the house we are renting right now. It’s so bright and sunny and there is NO carpet anywhere. The only negative (now that it’s fall) are the huge trees with infinite leaves that have been falling. I decided to rake up the front yard last weekend and made several HUGE piles of leaves. Then I looked around and thought, ‘well shit, now what am I going to do with these?’ The mailman was driving by and complimented my laborious efforts so I asked him what the hell I should do with the leaves. He told me to burn them. Since I don’t really know how to do that besides what I saw once on Duck Dynasty when Jase burned them in the driveway I thought I’d dump them over the fence in the backyard.

So I decide I need a vessel to transport these sonofabitch leaves. My wheelbarrow isn’t big enough, has a flat tire and there is a big hill to go up. So I take the trash out of my bin and start stuffing it with leaves. And….it doesn’t take long to fill up. I drag it up the hill to the backyard where I realize that fence is way too high for me to dump the leaves over. So I just make a massive pile of leaves in the yard. 18 gazillion trips later I have a mound of leaves in the yard. Maybe the boy will know how to burn them.

At some point in my leaf ordeal I hurt my foot. My GOOD foot. Of course, right? That’s what I get for always thinking things through so well. Like what to do with 4000 pounds of leaves. And how stuffing that leg down in the trash bin to squish them 800 times wouldn’t result in some kind of injury.

Anyways, I’ve been trying not to jump/run too much on it this week. Since our workout today involved jumping I decided to do something totally different and heave the Atlas stone instead. Somewhere mid-way through my reps I clipped my chin with this stone. My immediate thought to hearing my teeth rattle together was, “keep your chin tucked!!!” which is a hard lesson I’ve been learning when we spar in Muay Thai.

Ah, life. Funny how lessons repeat themselves.

Kind of like my yard that is AGAIN covered in leaves.

Bird brains. Literally. Bird crashed into the window and left this.

Bird brains. Literally. Bird crashed into the window and left this.



  1. Holy SHIT SAUSAGES! How fuckin’ random. I was hoping you two would get to stay in your awesome spot too!! I love your house in Clarksville.

    Also that FB shit is mad annoying and I’m not even on it everyday!

    Can we burn the leaves when I’m there in DEC have a big fire??!! That would be awesome.

    AS ALWAYS, hilarious blog. You’re the best!

    • So Cory told me how she burns leaves, so at least I know what to do with that big pile. Or I’ll just throw it over the fence since there are a LOT of trees back there.

      I know, I love this house too and the kittens SUPER love it with all of the sunshine and windows to look out. Sucks.

  2. Stupid birds always do that at that house. Rake the leave up by the street and the city will come by and pick it up.

    • I have never seen such suicidal birds in my life! I will have to rake ’em up this weekend down to the curb. Or just call the hard guy. He just mows over them so they disappear.

      • *yard* guy!!!

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