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Buy me!

April 30, 2013

Thanks, everyone, for bugging me about not writing on my blog in a while.

I’ve just been too riddled with anxiety to focus long enough to do so. But believe me, I have tons of things to talk about like:
1) I went ice climbing and camping in the Ghost and it was so cold my toothpaste froze solid (and so did my contacts)!
2) I visited family in Minnesota!
3) I have continued to progressively hurt (and rehab) my foot!
4) I have a surfing trip planned!
5) I am trying to sell my house!
6) I cut my hair!
7) I cut people out of my life!
8) I am administering antibiotics to a homeless cat in my neighborhood!

Feeding my nephew, Milo, in a bar. Keeping it classy 24/7.

Feeding my nephew, Milo, in a bar. Keeping it classy 24/7.

So you see, lots has been happening. It’s way too much for one blog, obviously.

Let’s talk about the big one that is actually giving me heartburn (seriously, heartburn): No. 5.

I will start by saying that technically it isn’t “my” house. The entire thing is in the boy’s name. Mostly because I only work contract jobs and don’t make “real” money to qualify for getting house loans and such. I’m a liability, actually. Lucky, lucky boy.

Anyways, we are due to move back to Fort Campbell in a few weeks and would like to sell this wonderful house we’ve enjoyed SO MUCH while in Savannah in the heart of Ardsley (the best neighborhood in the city).

Seriously, it’s so cute. Check it out: CLICK HERE SERIOUSLY LOOK AT HOW CUTE IT IS! and tell your friends.

April 2nd we put it onto the market. Immediately we had people wanting to see it. Like every single day. Which was awesome, but sucks when you work from home.

Also, people wanting to see it means everything has to be put away AND clean. All the time! I feel like I clean the cat litter 16 times a day. The cats love it, of course. Now it’s like they won’t even go to the bathroom unless I have JUST cleaned it.

So weeks 1-3 we are getting tons and tons of traffic. Our Realtor is confident this will lead to a quick offer. Oh shit, maybe we put it on the market too early? What if we need to find a temporary rental?

Not to worry. For all the dozens that have seen it no-one likes it enough. It’s the persistent No. 2 or No. 3 on everyone’s list.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve heard over and over again that it is a beautiful house and it “shows really well” but it just isn’t the one anyone has fallen in love with. I just want all the stupid No. 1s to hurry up and sell so WE can be a No. 1!

And I won’t lie, I’m totally taking it personally. It really kind of hurts your feelings! As if the house is a reflection of people not liking ME.

One theory I have is that the cats are being weirdos and sabotaging the whole process. I can just imagine Oooshey is hiding out under the bed growling and hissing when people walk in.

Maybe if Dante did this during house showings people would like it? Of course that requires leaving all of our shopping bags in a pile on the floor.

Maybe if Dante did this during house showings people would like it? Of course that requires leaving all of our shopping bags in a pile on the floor.

When we sold in Clarksville we were under contract in a month. Unless a miracle happens in the next day, that will definitely not be the case here. It’s just so random because the house in Clarksville was sooooo not anything special. It was just a boring subdivision house. Boring on the inside and out. This house is gorgeous. Original woodwork, granite countertops, shiny wood floors.

Seriously, it has to be the cats.

Anyways. The whole process gives me a ton of anxiety. Almost every day (well now, maybe 3x/week if we are lucky) people are coming in and nosing through your shit and judging you. I hate people. I also hate all of this cleaning. And the wondering “will this be the one???” for every single showing.

I keep jinxing it for myself, too. I ran out of checks and had to order more. Of course the minimum order is 500 and I thought to myself ‘watch, as soon as I order these we will sell the house.’ That was a couple of weeks ago. And yes, I still totally write checks for EVERYTHING. Old school, baby!

Or when I had to renew the annual flood protection through FEMA (actually not due until May) but I thought ‘maybe if I pay it early then it will be sooooo annoying when someone totally buys it and it was worthless to spend that $458.’ Not so much.

Or we had company coming at the end of the month. I thought ‘not to worry, I’m sure we will be under contract by then.’ Instead, we were hustling and bustling to clean it all up with extra people around!

I have actually been suffering from heartburn pretty frequently this entire month. That’s how much it bothers me. And it actually doesn’t take long to hit the 24-hour allotment of TUMS, and then you still have heartburn.

Ah, well this is boring. Who cares about me wanting to sell the house.

Well you should because if we do then I am going to go SURFING IN COSTA RICA!!!!!!!!!!!

Think of all the awesome things that will happen on a trip like that. All the stories I’d have to tell!

I have the whole thing planned out, including where I am going to eat “Nachos As Big As Your Ass.” That is the actual menu item! And yes, I will be making sure they make them as big as MY ass, especially with all this squatting going down.

Ah pipe dreams, in more ways than one actually. Get it?

Now that you are bored aren’t you sorry you missed me?

This morning I made some AWESOME paleo muffins: lemon poppy seed. Check them out!

They are like little bursts of sunshine. You should be jealous!

They are like little bursts of sunshine. You should be jealous!

I also got the new “OMG. That’s Paleo?” cookbook that is totally awesome. The boy and I have a fridge stuffed with tons of yummy leftovers from that. If you haven’t checked it out yet, I highly recommend it.

OK, well I have some party tricks like this to go do now.

The new 6:30 a.m. class party trick. I can do it facing out now. Woohoo!

The new 6:30 a.m. class party trick. I can do it facing out now. Woohoo!

And don’t be shy about telling all of your friends and family in SAV about our little Ardsley bungalow! You know you want to hear all about me getting nacho gut bomb in Costa Rica!

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