Shoulders, biceps and formal dresses – oh my!

November 8, 2012

Throughout the week I think of all kinds of funny things I should write about. Like how I wanted to cry while working out in the garage over the weekend when my shoulder hurt. Or how I was happy to discover my “formal” dress still fit despite my measurements changing, or how those measurements ARE changing, or how sometimes working in social media makes me hate people. Especially during election week. Or how I want to set goals but am chicken $h*t.

So, given allllll that let’s start with the garage. I did something weird to my shoulder last week. I don’t know what but it was (is) hurting. Hurting so bad that I skipped a workout at the gym that consisted solely of cleans. My favorite. Yeah, it was obviously hurting. I didn’t row for almost A WEEK and told myself I’d totally rest for three full days. I couldn’t even sleep on that side, it was hurting so much!

So on Saturday the boy and I went out to the (dirty, nasty, tiny) garage to do some back squats. I figured that was a safe activity for my shoulder. Wrong. It felt super strained while holding the bar. It didn’t matter how wide or narrow I put my grip. I was literally on the verge of tears with frustration. Am I crazy? Well here’s my thought process: “Oh my god I can’t even hold this stupid bar because my shoulder is jacked! What about ice climbing? I’m ice climbing in less than a month and reaching high hurts. … F it, I will still totally ice climb no matter how much it hurts. But what about rowing? How can I train if it hurts when I pull? Well maybe if it doesn’t hurt very much then it’s OK to row? Am I going to get fat if I don’t row? What about that muscle-up I’m working on getting? I can’t do that now with a buggered shoulder…what if I start losing strength? I’ve been working so hard at getting strong these last few months…how long will it take to get back?”

It’s clearly a slippery slope into “boohoo” you see. So I decided to do a bunch of back squats at lighter loads and then rip out a bunch of vines from the yard. That’s when a tiny sliver of a needle embedded itself into my finger, which has ever since been desperately trying to push itself out. Apparently it’s stuck on something and has created a big lump on the side of my finger that is so stupid sensitive! Don’t you just hate dumb things like that?

Anyways, since my shoulder was still hurting and I needed a refill on some meds I called the doctor on Monday to get an appointment. It usually takes weeks to get in but they had an opening that afternoon. I went in and the doc was convinced the pain was coming from a bone spur in my shoulder. What? I went and got X-rays taken but never heard what the results were, so I’m assuming it’s NOT that, otherwise she would have called (right?). But, because she was so convincing at the time I thought to myself “well, if it’s just a bone thing then I can definitely just train through the pain and not injure anything.” Heh. So, yeah I’ve been training. And who knows WTF is wrong with my shoulder.

While I was at the doctor they put me on the scale. I hadn’t weighed myself in months since I’m a looney toon about *that* number (which I have mentioned once or twice on this blog!). I didn’t want to know but there it was right in front of me. Full of lunch (and pee) and wearing jeans. I knew I had put “weight” on after losing pounds this summer, but since I’ve lost size overall in the “right” places I was just totally over knowing what that number was. After seeing that number (and frantically texting the boy while I sat on the tissue-paper covered table) I was a bit curious to see what else had changed. The boy has been telling me my arms are looking a lot bigger, and since I’d had them measured in September I decided to see how they had changed.

And oh, how they have changed! Good lord, the left one is 1″ bigger, and the right is 1.5″ bigger! So yeah, he’s right, my arms must be looking bigger. The power of protein and working under heavy loads! Damn. But YES YES YES!!! I aspire to be nothing but as strong as I possibly can be so I don’t care how big my arms get if it is all about me getting stronger.

One of the precious few non-political posts in my FB feed this week was from a girlfriend looking for shop suggestions for buying a dressy dress for a work formal we have to go to for the boy every year. I suggested she do what I do and wear the same dress every.single.year.

Why do I do this?
1) I don’t give a $h*t about dresses, dressing up, looking nice, etc. and this is my little way to flip the bird at all that nonsense. Because some people take it VERY seriously. They get all tanned up, hair and makeup did…you know, they end up looking like orange freaks with 10 lbs. of makeup and hair that can reach to the moon. I’m just not into that. At all. Plus, everyone gets wasted within 30 minutes of happy hour so what’s the point? EVERYONE looks the same to drunk people!
2) I think it is kind of funny to see if anyone ever notices. Obviously my friends do since I brag about it all the time (which I am sure is exhausting) but for the ladies I only see occasionally, I’m sure no-one ever notices.
3) It’s not even cute, which is part of what makes it funny. I mean it’s BROWN for Christ’s sake! It was on a clearance rack back in 2006 and I think it’s actually probably a bridesmaid dress.

Here is a photo of my dress from the formal back in 2010 (I think). It was a year the boy wasn’t even in town so I went with Stephanie who is in front of me and DOES actually have clothes on. And yes, I totally wear my hair in a ponytail to a formal. That’s how much I care (obviously I do since I put in a SIDE-part!)

So I thought when responding to her query, ‘oh crap will my dress fit still?’ I dug it out of the closet and tried it on and got it perfectly zipped up. RELIEF.

I wasn’t sure if it would be way too big and not work (since it’s a halter-style dress that means junk could potentially be hanging out in front) or if my back was gaining mass and not allow for the dress to zip fully. I don’t know what I would have done if it didn’t work! But thank gosh it did.

Why does my Fantasy Football team only have a BYE week when all of my players do not?! I should put that on FB so people can see that FF is what I am really concerned about. I’m so over this election $h*t, it really makes me dislike people. I don’t understand why people argue about opinions so much. I mean it’s someone’s opinion, you aren’t going to convince them that their opinion is WRONG. Why do so many people feel compelled to try? And why should I care what your stupid opinion is? Guess what. I don’t! And damn am I thankful for that blocking feature.

Love this photo of Rebeccah & I that Kelly Boyd shot at CrossFit Hyperformance a couple of weeks ago. Rebeccah is my favoritest workout partner ever and she’s moving in less than two weeks! I went to her thesis defense on Monday and it was totally funny to see her in dress-up clothes. But, it was a really great thesis (and defense) and she passed! So I’m really excited that everything is falling into place for her!!!

This weekend I get to go to a two-day USA Weightlifting course on Olympic lifting (my favorite kind!) and I am totally psyched on it. It reminds me that at the start of 2012 I thought I would put a lot of focus & effort into OLY lifting, which hasn’t turned out to be the case since I spent much of the year flitting about climbing in all sorts of cool places and then rowing at home.

I’m kind of the worst person at setting goals because when I do then I tend to become obsessed with it, over-train (usually resulting in injury which leads to tears (see above!!) followed by spite for the activity because I feel locked into doing it because I set a goal. Whew! (I know, right?!)

Over the past few years I’ve been trying to just train what I “feel” like training. You know, what I happen to be psyched on at the moment. Over the past two years it was cycling but this year it’s been rowing and climbing.

Last night one of my coaches (and owners) of CrossFit Hyperformance gave a goal-setting workshop. I went to a similar one that he gave last year and took away A LOT in the form of positive self-talk. I’ve had it in place ever since and it has made a dramatic difference in my life, especially while climbing!

So I was curious to see what I would get out of this one. And I got that I am a little bit scared. Or maybe a lot scared. Of what? The training, the commitment, the potential loss of psych not to mention the failure option!

I guess I kind of feel like putting a goal out there is going to force me into training so hard I end up hating it…or that I am so unfocused in the activities I love (or that I love too many activities) that I can’t fully commit to any one for more than a few weeks before my attention gets dragged down with another?

Then there’s the thing about the goals being painful. I mean rowing a 1K at a 1:48 500m split time is painful. It just is. Don’t try to tell me “oh, but you’re good at rowing.” That doesn’t make it any less painful. Much less a 2K at that split time (which is what I would like to do by mid-February). That is 7:20-ish seconds of pure utter f*k!ng hell. It almost makes me hate rowing, so should I bother? I don’t understand. I’m so confused. And indecisive. And chicken $h*t.

After thinking about it I kind of wonder if I can’t just write a goal WITHOUT an accompanying plan. A training plan, let’s say, with benchmarks along the way. Maybe that would make it less scary or keep me from over-training and either losing psych or gaining injury.

Help! How do you approach goal setting? Am I alone in blaming it for loss of psych? Does anyone have a pair of big girl panties they can send me?


One comment

  1. Yay! I found my own blog so I could comment on yours. I literally cracked up laughing at work when I was reading about how you wear the same damn dress every year. I freaking LOVE that! Awesome! And you rocked that pony tail girl!

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