A couple of weeks ago we visited our niece and nephews aged 3, 2 & 11. I hadn’t even finished my coffee on Saturday morning before I needed vodka. (And not just needed but NEEDED, acquired and drank vodka.) I am just not in any sense remotely equipped to be around children. They are completely overwhelming.
And in defense of the children, these kids are actually very well behaved. The only thing is the little ones are too small to understand logic. Or reasoning. And that is what I can wrap my head around. If they are told “don’t do this, or else THIS will happen.” They pretty much always do whatever they are supposed to not be doing, and then get the THIS punishment. But how dumb is that? It’s not a surprise when it happens to anyone but the kid. Do they not listen? Do you have to phrase it in some weird secret language kiddish way? Man, I don’t know how almost everyone else in the whole world does it. I can’t handle adults that are illogical, but imagine trying to reason with a child! Although probably the same as trying to reason with many adults when you think about it.
Kids also have the ability to destroy a room in 0.2 seconds by taking EVERY toy out of the bin. They also like to touch EVERYTHING. And by touch I mean not just with the hands, but with the mouth, too. We had to laugh at what a nice and very, very quiet life we lead after seeing how chaotic it is with kids. And god forbid you don’t lock that bathroom door because then you get a little friend who wants to know what your contacts are, what this hairbrush is for, and tell you the story of the ornaments on her necklace which you need to get on her NOW.
When we were laying in bed I randomly burst out “I have never been more certain of any decision we have ever made,” and with no reference to any other element the boy knew exactly what I was talking about. I mean we haven’t even graduated to a dog for crying out loud. I am just thankful when we were newlyweds our friends had children all around us otherwise we maybe would have walked down that path without even thinking about it. Although our kid would be seriously old, like high school age. Dang, we’re old.
And yes, I know they aren’t little and annoying forever. But it seems to me they just grow up to be bigger and annoying. Or bigger and moody. And what if they get weirdo friends? Or what if they have no friends and play dungeons and dragons all day by themselves? Then I’d worry I had a serial killer! Every time I watch Criminal Minds (or an addiction show, or Hoarders!!!) I think “that’s someone’s kid that they thought might grow up to be President of the United States or a doctor…”
But with my luck I would end up with a girl. And it would be a GIRLY girl that wants to wear make-up, paint fingernails and wear princess dresses and I would just stare at her and say “I literally have no idea what to do with you.” Because the one thing I do know is that kids are just born with a personality and inherent likes, dislikes, desires, drive – whatever you want to call it. It doesn’t matter that my mom likes to go to church and has spent 60+ years playing the piano and writes and publishes her own CDs. I have no interest in either. Likewise, she can’t comprehend why I like to do things I just like to do: play sports, climb, learn how to fight (and defend myself), OLY lifting, you know, the things I just LOVE to do.
Several of my friends have had babies in the past couple of weeks and while I’m usually very unimpressed with newborns (BE HONEST people, when they aren’t yours you KNOW they look a little scary!) my friend Tonya (and Ben) have the cutest little thing that isn’t squished up looking, purple or scaly, and they already have a bunch of pics of her being super animated! I thought they just slept and cried for the first few weeks. I guess you never know.
So thank you and good luck to all the breeders. I’m sure YOUR kid will definitely save the world someday.
And P.S. of course I TOTALLY love *your* kids!!! It’s everyone else’s kid I can’t stand.